2010 Holiday Gift Guide

I Won You

How to Intimidate Friends and Conquer Enemies
By Jimmy Slade

A combination of competitive biography and guide to athletic and psychological domination, Jimmy Slade’s latest literary feat, “I Won You,” offers the knowledge and intuition that can only be earned on the road to greatness.

Sample Chapters

1. Never relent, regardless of age.
—At the age of 37, Slade still found himself in the finals of the Pipe Masters, an event he’s won 7 times! Do you think he backs down to next-generation super talents like Carissa Morre? Heck No! Neither should you.

2. Never look away.
—Known for his green-eyed “thousand yard gaze,” Slade illustrates how to dominate opponents before they ever hit the water with one unblinking stare down.

3. Never pay.
—As Slade knows well, the first one to pay, is the first loser. Is there a bill coming your way? Duck. Do you owe money on a bet? Skip their calls. On a date? Stick her with the check.

4. Better look out, someone just might win You!
—Even though you’re accustomed to being on top, you want to win at everything, including love. And when you’re playing from your weak points, that’s when somebody is going to try to win You!

5. If somebody does win You, you better win them back.
—Let’s face it, people are human. Not everybody can win fair and square all of the time. This is when you go super-human and use telekinesis, telepathy and regular lies.

6. Once you succeed . . . re-succeed.
—Even though you won once, that’s not enough. Win again. 9 Times.

Spray for your hoo ha

Ladies, does your old wetsuit ever leave you with that “not so fresh feeling?” Fret no longer. Now there’s SPRUNT  spray for your hoo ha.

Slater Chia Pet

Is there someone on your Christmas list who’s old enough to remember the Momentum Generation? Does the surfer in your life pine for the old days? Help that old school ripper turn back the clock with the Kelly Slater Chia Pet. By applying the patented Chia Pet seeds, you can turn back the clock while watching the nine-time world champ’s scalp go from championship stubble to Jimmy Slade waves.

AKA, The SUP Torpedo

Your worries are over. Do us all a favor and arm your shred stick with this nifty new gadget  and eliminate the SUP clutter in our lineups .  Brought to you by the engineers at Haliburton

Alaia Fins
by Morey Boogie

Do you miss the top turn? The cut back? Do you want to perform as well as you used to?

Experts like Rasta and the Malloy brothers agree there’s nothing faster in hot point break action than the ancient Alaia board. And now that you have one too, you can make it surf like a real board with Morey Boogie’s removable Alaia fins.

Morey Boogey, adding performance to the latest trends!

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